As the Days go On

This is kind of my therapy. And maybe my writings will help another through a difflcult situation. To give the update.. my dad passed away in January. The sad and hard part is that he died from a bleeding ulser which we didn't know about. We worked so hard to keep him alive with his liver and he died within 10 hours of bleeding. I talked to him 15 minutes before he was rushed to the hospital. He sounded normal and was feeling fine. Thank God my brother was there when the bleeding became evident. By the time i made it to the ER he had 5 blood transfusions. He was in so much pain the last 2 years. His suffering is over, and mine as been compounded.
How am I doing? That is a good question. I'm not real sure. I have my days, I don't talk a lot and try to stay busy so I don't fall apart. I hate going to bed some nights because I don't want to wake up and think about it again. The last moments can stay in my mind for several hours a day. I have work to keep me busy, but that is going to come to an end this summer. I have to find things to do to keep my mind in another place. Am I in advoidence or doing ok.
I have so many memories to hold on to, but they make me miss him so much. Sometimes I just sit and think - is this real, where is he. Just come back and solve my problems and give me a hug. God, I miss you. Brandy