As the Days go On

This is kind of my therapy. And maybe my writings will help another through a difflcult situation. To give the update.. my dad passed away in January. The sad and hard part is that he died from a bleeding ulser which we didn't know about. We worked so hard to keep him alive with his liver and he died within 10 hours of bleeding. I talked to him 15 minutes before he was rushed to the hospital. He sounded normal and was feeling fine. Thank God my brother was there when the bleeding became evident. By the time i made it to the ER he had 5 blood transfusions. He was in so much pain the last 2 years. His suffering is over, and mine as been compounded.
How am I doing? That is a good question. I'm not real sure. I have my days, I don't talk a lot and try to stay busy so I don't fall apart. I hate going to bed some nights because I don't want to wake up and think about it again. The last moments can stay in my mind for several hours a day. I have work to keep me busy, but that is going to come to an end this summer. I have to find things to do to keep my mind in another place. Am I in advoidence or doing ok.
I have so many memories to hold on to, but they make me miss him so much. Sometimes I just sit and think - is this real, where is he. Just come back and solve my problems and give me a hug. God, I miss you. Brandy

Teachable Moments

Abram found a toad at the farm and wanted to teach Lucy all about him.

"Lucy, I promise he won't bit you, just hold him."

Mommy Look !!!!

I am stating to get the whole "boy" thing, he just wants to totally gross mom out. And check out that clean face. I am so proud.

Mother's Day 2009.

We have started the tradition of family pictures on my special day. At least we have a year to work on looking at the camera, and not YELLING "cheese" at the photographer. The day before pictures, Lucy fell and cut her lip open, and Abram felt the urge to ride his bike down a dirt pile on the farm. He ended up with scratches and a bruise on his face. Scheduling pictures seems to bring facial bad luck!

Learning to be "glad"

What a week it has been!! This sounds crazy but my students and I read Pollyanna this week. I learned a lot from the short amount of the book we read together. The point is this... no matter what situation I may be in, I can be "glad". We have had so many things going on in our lives lately, but when I really sit down and think about them, I can find good in all of them. For example, if my husband and I disagree about something, I can see that the arguement will bring us closer together in the end. We will have a better understanding of eachother. If Abram is having a hard time at school, I can see that Ray and I are here to speak for him. To be his voice. To fight for his safety and protection when he doesn't have the words to express himself. If Lucy is not feeling well, and full of snot, we have the money and doctor to help her. So overall, no matter what happens in this household, we can see the goodness in what seems like "crap". Life and love are good!! My family is my world.
Brandy

LIVER DONOR

So, my dad has been through all of the liver tests, and we find out next Thursday what place he gets on the liver transplant list. He needs a new liver. Ray and I both are type O, but come to find out we are to "small" and other issues have come up. It is likely we will not be able to give my dad any part of our livers. The best bet is to have people tested to see if another person is willing and able to be a donor. We don't know how long it will be for him to get a liver from what the doctors call a "list".
I found out that the liver is the only organ in the body that will grow back in about a month. Of course it is a huge procedure, but I thought there might be someone out there who would be able to help. I never throught in a million years I would be on Facebook asking for help. I guess we can't get help if we don't ask. Are you willing to get tested to be a "live" organ donor?

a letter to papa from abram

make a hot wheel car. urutuiieyuruwruttuir8ut6yurferydhhyruyryryt778r78jrugtg5t3g84rbfig59kt4r5gk4trbk55ktgr9ijujyyu8u878u78u7

i want to make you a hot wheel truck that goes super fast

adyhgyujkvujvjhfjjjrdfu8t5tvuujjikhjkjmnmn bn bgjvyrf vdst sr xy hionojohtpn kcjvxn rjmvuifhc

i love you, abram

LIFE

life is a box of cereal sometimes you buy the cheap stuff and other times you go to IHOP, just so you do not have to do the dishes and wipe the table off for 20 minutes because you have a son that plays with the syrup all over the table like finger paint. and i am cool with that, because all that i am is a crazy boy stuck in an adult body, man being responsible at times isn't all it's cracked up to be. have a gravy day boys and girls, Ray